Chronic Illness, Disability, Poems, Transverse Myelitis

Daily Battle

American Revolution.

Civil War.

World War I.

 

What do they have in common?

 

Pain.

Violence.

Suffering.

Fatigue.

Fear.

 

My war

Is not unlike those.

 

There are fights.

 

All day every day,

I battle.

 

I battle the enemy,

Hoping to win.

 

It lasts a long time.

 

I get no sleep;

I am always tired,

But the pain

Keeps me awake.

 

Strength is needed,

Strength to thrust the sword

Or hold up the gun.

 

Strength

To fight back.

 

Energy is drained.

 

Why so quickly?

 

Energy is drained,

And I wish I could take a break

To re-charge.

 

Can’t concentrate

On anything else.

 

I can’t leave the enemy

To fight me, defenseless.

It won’t win.

It can’t.

 

Every second spent distracted,

I am hit

And wounded.

 

Pain

Shoots through my body.

 

I am knocked down,

But I get back up.

 

Energy is drained

Some more.

 

I just want a break,

Just for one second.

 

The lights dim outside,

And it’s ready to sleep,

Ready to forget the battles.

 

But the enemy attacks

At my weakest point.

 

Why didn’t I see it?

 

I spend the night

Fighting some more.

 

And the cycle begins,

Everyday more exhausting

And painful

Than the last.

 

When the sun comes out,

When I see a moment of light,

When I knock them down for just barely long enough,

I see

What makes it all worth it.

I see

What I’m fighting for.

 

I fight

For my dignity.

 

For my family,

For my friends.

 

I fight,

To help others

Who battle as well.

 

I fight

For my pride,

 

For my God,

 

For my life.

 

And I am grateful

That I have reasons,

That life is not just an endless battle.

 

For the battle is inside of me,

And I cannot escape.

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