All, Chronic Illness, Disability, Personal Experiences, Transverse Myelitis

Invisible

feet

See my feet? They look pretty normal, right?

Well, you can’t tell, but they are on fire. They burn so badly, I can’t sleep. It’s midnight, and I have a 9am class, but I’ve been lying awake for an hour because my feet burn.
Then, when I splashed cold water on them in an attempt to relieve the burning… they started feeling like what I can only describe as a mixture of itchiness and rug-burn. So now my feet are also suffering through that sensation, in addition to the initial fire-like burning.

This is only a small, small part of the reality of living with Transverse Myelitis. You wouldn’t know any of this by looking at me. If you glanced at me feet, you’d just see… Feet. Completely normal-looking feet. You may notice a toe spasm here and there, but overall, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with them. You could say that I’m lying or exaggerating. I mean, after all, there is no way for me to prove otherwise. I can’t put you inside my body for a moment to feel the burning for yourself (oh, how I wish that were possible).

So, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. These normal-looking feet give me problems every single day; I’m constantly having to deal with different unpleasant sensations and pains.
And that’s just one small part of me. My entire body is constantly ridden with different sensations such as stabbing pain, burning, “electric shocks,” pins and needles, phantom itches, numbness, achiness, etc.

Trust me, it sucks. I’ve been dealing with this stuff for over 5 years now, and it’s only gotten worse rather than better. But I’m dealing with it. I know I can handle it. But sometimes, when my burning feet are keeping me awake late at night, all I want is for it to go away just for one night so, for once, I can actually sleep peacefully.

2 thoughts on “Invisible”

  1. It is very hard to appear normal and have your neurological system haywire. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago with TM and am still struggling with the ramifications of it. I once tried to describe what my feet felt to my husband and he couldn’t believe it.

    Like

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